Independence [in-də-pen-dən(t)s] n.
It’s move-in day and you’ve just pulled into a parking lot at UCSB. As you drag your life’s belongings – also known as shit you’ll never use – from your mom’s station wagon to your new cubicle of a room, it’s time to say goodbye to parents who’ve done your laundry and made you dinner for the past 18 years. Welcome to sunny Santa Barbara, where the residence halls prepare students for a future of drunken debauchery.
Dormcest [dȯrm-sest] n.
Putting girls and boys in the same enclosed space is the perfect recipe for dormcest, which can range from casual booty calls to serious relationships. Dorm room sex is banging, but watch out for open windows as your neighbors, including your RA, will most likely hear your moans of pleasure. Do it too often and your new roommate will turn into a homeless frenemy. And be prepared for an awkward run-in with your hot hook-up the following day. They might not look as attractive when scrutinized in the light of day by sober eyes.
Extracurricular Activity [ek-strə-kə-ri-kyə-lər ak-ti-və-tē] n.
You might not want to list these on you grad school application, but we have a feeling you’re bound to give these activities a try. Co-ed shower parties: Don’t forget to wear flip flops or protection, as foot fungus and STIs tend to hamper the college experience. Hot boxing your room: Remember to roll up a towel and turn on a fan so the RA doesn’t suspect what you stoners are up to. Beer pong tournament: Only take off the closet door if you know how to put it back up. Skinny dipping: The pool at Santa Catalina isn’t as sanitary as it looks.
Good Clean Fun [gu̇d klēn fən] n.
If you ever get tired of waking up with Sharpied dicks on your forehead and want to engage in some G-rated activities for a change, the residence halls are ideal for that as well. You can use your ACCESS Card to rent a movie from the front desk and settle down in front of the big TV set in the game room. Moreover, you may want to arrange study groups with classmates in the formal lounges. The residence halls and individual floors also plan monthly group trips and activities that will help you make some friends and memories. But simply staying up all night and chatting it up with your hallmates is as enjoyable as it gets.
Resident Assistant [rez-i-duhnt uh-sis-tuhnt] n.
Think of the RAs as your new brothers or sisters. They may rat on you, but they’re also there when you need them the most. After a day of classes, clubs and intramural sports, it’s nice to come home to an RA who has donuts and coffee ready in the lounge. On nights where you don’t feel like braving the water-balloon toting residents of I.V., the RAs always have something fun, albeit somewhat juvenile, planned, like root beer pong tournaments and ice cream socials. They even provide free condoms by the front desk for your late night activities. Keep in mind that most RAs were college freshmen themselves just a year ago. They can relate to you and offer much-needed advice. They also know students smuggle alcohol and light up in their rooms – their policy tends to be hear no evil, see no evil. But a foolproof way to make sure you stay out of trouble is to befriend your RA. That way, they’ll probably be taking shots with you instead of writing you up for C.A.S.E. – a College Alcohol and Substance Education course.