When the Vomit Hits the Fan

Sat., Oct. 11, 1:17 a.m. — An officer on a uniformed foot patrol of the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive spotted a heavily intoxicated female being assisted by a male companion.

Judging that the young woman was unable to walk on her own, the deputy stopped the pair and asked to talk with the inebriated woman. Her escort agreed and quickly left the scene.

Without the help of her supposed friend, the 18-year-old out-of-towner was unable to maintain her balance and started to dry heave.

Before the officer could assist the unsteady gal, she began to dry heave so violently that she fell to the ground. Once on the pavement, her dry heaving turned to actual vomiting and the shit hit the fan; she threw up in her hair, on her clothes and all over her legs and feet.

After she was done upchucking her dinner, lunch and breakfast, the deputy asked her how much she had to drink that night, and she replied with, “I’m good.” Then she told the officer that she was having trouble seeing things.

After five minutes of sitting on the curb, the officer asked if she could walk. She said she could try, but after two steps nearly fell to the ground. The officer assisted her to the street, where she threw up once more.

Judging by the copious amounts of upchuck, the deputy placed the poor woman under arrest. She was later transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where she was housed, pending sobriety.

Soggy Bottom Girl

Wed., Oct. 15, 3:48 p.m. — Deputies enjoying a sunny Wednesday afternoon were called to duty when they witnessed a young lady struggling to walk near the intersection of Embarcadero del Norte and Picasso Road.

The officers watched the stumbling stroller for approximately one block, during which she weaved back and forth, stumbled into innocent passersby and fell into a bush. She had another female with her, but she was not assisting the inebriated.

The deputies stopped the 19-year-old woman, and immediately picked up on the strong odor of alcohol coming from her person.

They asked the young woman where she was coming from and she replied that she had just left her sorority. She was then asked where she was heading, and she replied her sorority.

When asked how much she had had to drink, she said, “Enough.” After speaking with her friend, the officers learned that they had come from the Phi Sig fraternity house, where the various sororities had been competing in a “gladiator style” sporting event.

She was arrested and transported to the Isla Vista sub-station on Trigo Road. There she was placed on a chair in the holding cell, but after a half-hour of repeatedly falling off she was moved to the floor.

Her intoxication seemed to be increasing, and at times she lost consciousness. Then, she began to urinate, soaking her shorts and the ground that she was sitting on. She made no attempt to move and ultimately passed out in a puddle of her own urine.

The sorority girl was then transported to the Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital for alcohol overdose, but was ultimately released back to the Sheriff’s Dept. and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where she was housed, pending sobriety.

–Compiled by Travis Miller