Biker’s Blues
Sat., Sept. 6, 12:30 a.m. – A deputy on patrol at the intersection of El Embarcadero and Del Playa Drive was rudely interrupted while talking with a pedestrian.

The officer was busy with an unrelated contact when a young man on a bike came barreling out of nowhere and ran directly into him. Not surprisingly, the 19-year-old possessed many of the symptoms of heavy intoxication.

The deputy, relatively unscathed from his run-in with the bike, immediately told the reckless rider to park it on the curb, but the young man would not. After several attempts at ordering him to sit down, the officer had to physically assist him to the curb.

After finally succeeding in seating the BMX bomber, the deputy was able to assess the situation. He first noticed that the young man was not wearing a shoe on his right foot, a sign of having too much to drink.

The young man told the officer he had taken three shots earlier in the night, but after failing to complete his ABC’s, he was arrested for public intoxication. In response, the recently arrested cyclist repeatedly told the deputy that he had just been trying to get home and that everything was an “accident.”

Accident or not, crashing into a police officer while riding a bike is never going to turn out well, and in this case the young man was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Where Did You Sleep Last Night?
Sun., Sept. 7, 6:47 a.m.-Deputies working the morning shift received a call concerning a young man passed out on a sidewalk near the intersection of Camino Pescadero and El Greco roads.

Two officers responded to the call and immediately found the 18-year-old sleeping peacefully on the concrete. He was fully dressed, but the fresh morning light revealed that his t-shirt was covered in what appeared to be his own vomit.

One of the deputies walked up to the sidewalk sleeper and said, “Police, wake up,” in a low, police-like voice, but the sleeping beauty did not rouse. However, after a little shaking, the young man eventually sat up.

The officer asked the severely confused man if he knew where he was, but he simply looked up at the deputy with a blank stare on his face.

The deputy then asked if he knew where he lived, and he responded by saying he lived on “DP.” When asked where on Del Playa, he just shrugged his shoulders and did not respond.

The SBCC student was then asked if he had too much to drink the night before and he, as anyone who wakes up on a sidewalk should, nodded his head in agreement.

“Would you like to go to jail?” asked the deputy, and the young man once again nodded his head in agreement. Not wishing to disappoint, the officer arrested him and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Breaking and Entering (and Sleeping?)
Mon., Sept. 15, 5:14 a.m.-A deputy was dispatched to 6661 Berkshire Terrace on a report of an intoxicated male trying to unlawfully gain entry into an apartment.

When the officer arrived he contacted a resident of the apartment, who said that she had been sleeping on the living room couch when an unidentified male climbed through the front window and “passed out” on the floor. When asked if she knew the squatter, she said “no” and that she wanted him gone.

The deputy walked into the apartment and saw the 21-year-old UCSB student fast asleep on the living room floor. He had on a collared shirt, a pair of underwear and nothing else. His pants were soaking wet with what no doubt was his own urine, and his shoes were laying haphazardly on the kitchen floor.

The deputy shook the young man awake, but he was too disoriented to cooperate. He did not know where he was, or where he lived. When he tried to stand, he nearly fell over.

The officer told the floor moocher that he was not welcome there, and the confused man walked to his pants and attempted to put the urine soaked denim back on, but was unable to and instead placed them back down on the floor.

The deputy again told him that he was not wanted, but the piss-soaked sleeper mumbled something incoherent and continued to walk aimlessly around the living room.

Clearly incapable of taking care of himself, he was arrested and transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

-Compiled by Travis Miller